Winners and losers.

Any filmmakers out there who can give my gung-ho friend a leg up for her prospective film career? Grace Teng has been given a place to study in New York University's Tisch School of the Arts for undergraduate film and television - and she needs YOUR help. She needs to raise S$350,000 in two months. We cannot let such determination go to waste!

An excerpt from her post about what she'll do after graduation:

In my time in school, both as a student and as a relief teacher, I have met enough interesting individuals to shatter every stereotype about Singaporean students twice over - you know, that Singaporean students only know how to study and not how to think, that we can memorise but can't apply, that we are uncreative and incapable of thinking outside the box, that we do things by the book and cannot analyse or solve problems. I'm sure you can name many more. I have met some astonishingly talented and creative individuals in school, some incredibly perceptive thinkers, and others whose overwhelming curiosity about the world and the history of humankind are unparalleled. Each one of them has his/her own dreams for the future - and I am watching as, one by one, they get shepherded into careers (invariably lucrative ones) that they will not enjoy and do not allow them to express their qualities to the fullest.

Newsflash: Singapore has talent. Singapore has talent in its rank and file - I'm not talking about the violin prodigy (it's always the violin or the piano) who performed his first recital at the age of four, I'm talking about the student who goes to school in the morning and doodles masterpieces on his notes at night, and about the girl who turns in brilliant short stories as homework. There is no room on the marking rubric or in the school system for these students whose talents go unrecognised next to the boy who can crunch numbers impeccably. If they harbour any ambition of a creative career - becoming a painter, a visual artist, a musician, a writer, an actor, or whatnot - they better have a plan for themselves because there will be no institutional support. Our junior colleges (I can't speak for our other institutions) are designed to produce public administrators, science researchers, bankers, accountants, businessmen, engineers, doctors, lawyers, teachers - this is well and good and necessary. But they provide no support for those who, if given the guidance and advice, would gladly take up the challenge of adding to Singapore's cultural landscape.

Wow. I wish I had the guts to stray from the herd.

In the course of my full-time job as a retail associate, I've met more and worse bummers, but I've had the pleasure of talking to the most driven person I've ever known. With this dude, I had the opportunity to ask him more about his source of motivation. Like he's got a scholarship, he was an officer in his NS days, he has been earmarked for a promotion, he practically has the next fifteen years of his life planned out... And what am I doing? I am no better than a bummer. Utterly depressing!

I used to reconcile my less-than-stellar grades (I mean like straight A's and name-gets-mentioned-by-principal type) with the knowledge that I've accumulated a lot more experiences than your average hardworking no-lifer. I did a lot of stupid things that changed my life in ways that books can't. (Yes, I've derived a great deal of my knowledge from books - probably not the coolest way to acquire it but at least I try) I figured that it was an alright balance, considering that there are hardcore hedonists who have barrels of experiences but no academic achievements whatsoever. Then came JC and I met the ultra-geniuses who have more than a semblance of a life and still perform in their CCAs and maintain tip-top grades, and you can even throw in a dysfunctional family into the mix and that won't affect their overachieving tendencies a whit. Then I realise that I haven't been living up to my potential at all, considering that I've had a more or less worry-free life by all normal standards, and all I ever had to do was focus on my studies. You WOULD expect someone who had a comfortable life to do well in school, right? Or else have nothing short of one heck of a "life". But still I'm nowhere near a Who's Who list. Despite my relatively obstacle-free life, I still haven't achieved much; I'm starting to think that perhaps I don't even have that kind of inherent potential. Perhaps I'm never made to carve a name for myself, simply because I don't have it in me.

How utterly damning. I might seem like I haven't a shred of self-esteem, but I know what I can do and what I can do well - it's just that I don't do anything well enough to be statistically conspicuous. Above all my trivial talents, I am just another reject, not good enough in the eyes of those good enough to be good enough for.

******

Watched Annie Hall. I'm not quite sure how to react to Woody Allen movies. (I've only watched Manhattan, Annie Hall and Scoop, but Scoop doesn't count because it's so new) There are very funny quotable soundbites, but I don't quite know how to respond to the characters that Woody Allen plays. Am I supposed to find them endearing? Am I supposed to find them repulsive? Very mind-boggling!

In other news, I've been sleeping without AC for the past two weeks - quite a drastic change from the past eighteen years of my airconditioned existence. I realise that I actually sleep better with just the fan on - shall keep it that way!