Crummy mood, MBTI test.

I was repeating this in my head as I slouched off to the bus stop this morning: "I need to muster all my willpower not to blog something emo." I slept terribly; I've been sleeping badly since school started. I keep waking up at the worst intervals ever. Sucks to have interrupted sleep.

So Huifang chatted me up, and made a keen observation.

"Why are you not smiling?"

"Because I am not happy?"

"Why are you not happy?"

"Because there is nothing to be happy about."

"But I thought you smile even when you are unhappy."

"No I don't! I'm blaming this on my subconscious. My subconscious is unhappy, and my conscious self has to deal with it."

"How do you know the difference between your conscious and subconscious self? I thought your subconscious can only be known through dreams."

"I cannot find a reason for my unhappiness, therefore it has to be my subconcious."

"How do you know that your consciousness isn't irrational?"

"I like to think that I'm a rational person."

It all happened in double-quick time, I reckon the exchange was over and done with under a minute. It's quite fun to speedtalk your way through supposedly "deep" stuff. People overhearing will think you're seriously weird. LOL.

Here are the behavioral signs of stress.

hard time falling asleep
getting angry over little things
hard time concentrating
overeating/undereating
feeling like crying
feeling jittery, jumpy
fidgety hands and fingers
can't sit still

I think I have all the signs leh! I always feel like crying lor. Who will offer a hunky muscular shoulder for me to sob on? *sobs* I wanted to suggest to Mrs Ong that we have a mass crying session, since she advocates crying. Hahaha.

Vivien talked to me too.

"Do you know why you're unhappy?"

"No."

"Think about it; if you can't figure out why, you have no reason to be upset."

"Maybe I am unhappy because I have nothing to be unhappy about..."

"Rubbish!"

So during Literature lecture I had this short exchange with Phoon Yu. Phoon Yu's like, the school clown. He's just severely socially dysfunctional and seems to take my jibings as acts of goodwill. Just as well, then. It's a win-win situation. He thinks he's got a new friend, I am entertained. So he turns around and says "HIEEEE" to me in his characteristically nasal whine.

Curt and pleasantly patronising, I responded, "Hi."

"Wow, you have this super radiant smile."

"Ya, looking at you makes me happy." *continues to grin wider*

"I'm so touched."

HAHAHA. You really shouldn't think I'm evil. I'm not being evil at all. What's the point of being evil if nobody gets hurt? He's not hurt. He's amazingly happy and blissfully unaware that people make him a laughing stock. And besides, I'm not lying at all. He does make me happy, in a warped, amused way. Seriously, no harm done.

I also talked to Syamil, but as usual, we talked about him him him, so there's nothing really worth repeating here. Needless to say he was probably quite clueless about my crummy mood today. But hey, there are always trade-offs, eh. Entertainment is never free.

I morph into a very angsty and ferocious person during training. I suppose it's cathartic, me running my lungs out and pumping balls as far as my scrawny legs can catapult them. I get quite aggressive. I apologise if I freak any of the juniors out. I'm really nice. Really. LOL who am I kidding? I am not nice at all. I am evil. Muahaha.

I am starting to get a bit crazed.

Oh oh was talking to Viv about, er, cool people, i.e. interesting people. We never tire of it. We're probably two pretty interesting people, if I dare say so myself. Anyways, was thinking of the difference between someone who lacks effort in conforming, as opposed to someone who tries to be different. Two very different things, you realise? Not trying to conform and trying to be different.

The former makes for the cooler person. It's the lack of effort there that characterises effortlessly cool people.

I am an ISTJ! I AM FUCKING ANNOYED! I WANT TO BE AN INTJ!

Introvert - 10, Extrovert - 1
Sensing - 15, Intuition - 5
Thinking - 19, Feeling - 0
Judging - 19, Perceiving - 0

Knn. I will try to rely less on my senses and more on my intuition. Please lah, you look at the description for ISTJ.

Similar to the ESTJ, they have a knack for detail and memorization, but work more behind the scenes instead of up front as a leader.

Then you read the one for INTJ.

They have a particular skill at grasping difficult, complex concepts and building strategies.

WAHLAO I am not a stupid mindless dog that just keeps memorising shit like a sponge ok! I want to grasp difficult complex concepts! :( Whatever happened to me? Dammit dammit dammit.

Ok I just redid the test. I am an INTJ again. Lol.