Factors of a fulfilling relationship.

If I lay flat on my back in the middle of the highway and a bus drove over me, would the underbelly of the bus completely scrape my face off, or would it skim over my skin, leaving my bangs aflutter?

I saw an old man walking on the curved slip road of the highway, with the conventional tattered singlet on his bony back and spindly legs supporting the weight of his frail, work-hardened body and a big bag stuffed full of personal effects.

There are probably three types of attraction to another. Mental, physical and emotional. I personally think that all three factors must be fulfilled, otherwise there a relationship will be lacking.

Mental attraction:
I would further divide this into two subcategories, superficial and intrinsic. Superficial mental attraction would be discovering that someone shares the same sense of humour as you, possesses similar interests, and on the same wavelength. Intrinsic mental attraction would probably be something like actually having similar temperaments and personalities, and possibily similar outlooks on life, similar value systems and such. Maybe not similar, but complementary. For example, a pessimistic person and an optimistic person would probably annoy the hell out of each other, what with one being too cheery and the other being so gloomy. Then again, they could provide a counter to each other's excessiveness, thus providing some sort of equilibrium to their lives. Another example of an incompatible couple would be two self-centred people. Two self-centred people would always think they are being shortchanged and that the other partner isn't doing enough, so even if they are compatible on a superficially mental level (i.e. able to have a mentally stimulating conversation), they would be incompatible on an intrinsic level because they simply do not mesh well with each other.

Physical attraction:
This factor may be dismissed as crude and carnal, but I feel that it is equally important as the other factors. Sometimes you may be mentally attracted to and compatible with someone else, but you just don't have an arresting desire to kiss/make out/have sex with him/her. Wouldn't that make the person pretty much a platonic friend? That isn't to say that physical attraction is the central difference between platonic and romantic love, but it's quite definitive. Whenever I read accounts in girly mags of women who don't consummate their marriage yet have perfectly healthy communication with their spouses, I feel quite perplexed. Similar for couples who stop having sex with each other after being married for decades. I am of the opinion that you should find your spouse progressively more attractive, but well, that's just me. I'm not doing a very good job of defining physical attraction, but there you go. You probably know what it's like to find someone hot, so that would be physical attraction.

Emotional attraction:
This one is probably the most hard to pin down, but it's pretty easy to identify once you're experiencing it. It's just that 'feeling' you get when you see/talk someone you like and your tummy clenches and your pulse rate increases and all that teenage shite. And when they give you the slightest bit of attention you're oh-so-flattered. And if they say anything vaguely negative you'd be crying for days. If they say anything vague, you'd analyse it to death, wondering if he meant this or that. Perhaps this feeling could be labelled limerence. Emotional attraction is crucial for a relationship to happen. Sometimes it's like, "He's a great guy, but it's just not gonna happen. I just don't like him in THAT way." And 'that', would probably be this hazy thing called emotional attraction.

There may be other factors that I didn't observe, but these are probably the three main ones that need to coexist for a fulfilling romantic relationship. Physical and emotional attraction would probably just be infatuation, mental and emotional would probably be for the geeky guy you secretly like but don't dare to admit because he isn't quite hot enough, physical and mental would probably be for someone whom you think is really great, but just lacking somehow or another.

I've been thinking about this since last night, and here it finally is in writing. I really need to channel my efforts to more productive operations like my KI independent study. Oh god.

Injenue says:
u ask the most astute qns
Injenue says:
u can be journalist!

I am flattered! Those are many compliments rolled into one, actually. Maybe I'm just reading too much into things. Hah.