Grappling with self-esteem issues, oooh.

I'm annoyed as hell. My mother made me rush back home for dinner because apparently "everyone's waiting for me". When I arrived home at 7.45pm, a time too late for dinner, all my relatives already had their tummies filled. Like, what the hell. But I should've known; someone like my mother... I should have just hung out longer outside, regardless of her attempt to make me feel bad. It was so fun gossiping! Man, and I had to leave in when things were all spiced up.



This was the best shot that was taken. I sweetly asked the waitress to help us take a photo, but she jerked and we all looked like holograms. We played a round of pool at Cineleisure, then wandered aimlessly looking for restaurants, and finally ended up in Thai Express in Plaza Singapura. We were all sharing bitchy moments, and reminisced about secondary school. Fortunately for us, I don't think we can ever run out of topics. Wing Yee's habit of sauntering into class at 9am! Hahaha and how Weng Soon came at 12pm just to take a Chemistry test. We were such slackers. I think I'd recieve the most furrowed of frowns if I were to pull off shit like that. Self-righteous people abound.

I must be appreciative of the people in my life that have a similar sense of humour. It's so tough to find like-minded people now. Everyone's either sweet and boring or mean and bitchy. I guess you form a stronger bond to your secondary school friends because you watch each other mature and grow up.

We're seventeen year olds already. That feels horribly grown up from where I am at. I haven't had enough of being a kid! It's a little scary. When a girl's seventeen suddenly all the worldly and ravenous twenty year olds start checking you out. Sixteen's a touch too young, but seventeen is at that stage where you're in between being "barely legal" yet, not legal enough. The seventeen year old would be mature enough (I hope!) to be a little streetwise, but she's still young enough to be "brought up" and broken in. We're gonna be sagely twenty year olds in no time! (Twenty doesn't seem so sagely now. When I was 14 I thought 20 was ancient.)

Shit, I'm dealing with an identity crisis now. I'm currently portraying a happy-wappy image, which I feel uncomfortable with. It's not me. I may have changed. But I'd rather stick to my old sulky, critical and reticent self. I feel less conflicted that way. Sigh! So much for image revamp. In the end, I end up battling my inner demons.

Besides, when you come off as sulky and reticent, people find you all mysterious and shit. Then they have this overwhelming urge to unpeel your protective facade and poke your vulnerable insides. Fwah. Very good tactic to employ. Then you have loads of interesting people talking to you.

Sucks lah. I think socialising in school is draining my mental energies big-time. Urghhh I thought identity crises were a thing of the past. Maybe I should stop trying to act nice. Yea, that could be it. Acting nice is tiring me out. Wah, thank god for these occasional outings with friends. Get out all the meanness in my system, so I can start afresh and SMILE at my lovely new schoolmates yet again. I wonder if I can be my genuine self soon. Whoa, doesn't look too rosy if my genuine self is a mean, sulky and critical bitch, huh?

First impressions. Guess it's easier to start off being mean, so people don't expect much of you. Then when you're even mildly nice, people think it's amazing shit.