Observations.

A piece of knowledge I've gleaned from getting hit on by too many slimeballs in the past few months: if he's good-looking, it's flirting. If he's not, it's sexual harrassment.

My colleagues and I are quite hua chi. (Is it even a word? It's not in the dictionary, but it's used in local forums.) Whenever a good-looking customer comes by the cashier counter, a wave of alertness ripples over us. And when he leaves, we'll look knowingly at each other and swoon wordlessly. I have a crippling tendency to slip up when I face a dashingly handsome person. I'd accidentally give out the wrong change, blurt out the wrong refrain for the wrong action (say "Here is your card and your receipt, please check" when I hand out the purchase) or look at anywhere but his mesmerising eyes. I am adamant that these are subconscious tactics to prolong the interaction. If I were a guy, I'd be flattered to know if I had that kind of devastating effect on girls. Heck, I'd be flattered to know if I had that kind of effect on guys.

I have a very very very bad habit of burning bridges. I guess it's a result of my intolerance for incompetence, overwhelming sense of entitlement and natural anti-social tendencies. An awful combination, definitely. I suppose I must learn to: be more tolerant of stupidity, be less cocky, and be more social. Knowing your flaws is a first step, yes? I will also try to be a better minion at work. Be more subservient, and give less innocuous looks.

You know William Somerset Maugham's Of Human Bondage, and how he says that Mildred is rude enough to be annoying, but not rude enough to be told off? I can't find a quote right now, but I imagine it's similar to when someone is asked to repeat something, and then she repeats it slowly and pointedly, yet still maintaining a forced smile coupled with an unblinking glare, in the most patronising way possible? I will have to avoid the tendency to do that. Must. Think. Happy. Thoughts.

I just realised that there's this subcategory of girls, girls who are attractive and like fashion and all that but somehow don't get all that much male attention, maybe because they have too specifically girly interests (like I wouldn't be attracted to a guy by virtue of his interest in programming and DotA) and have too much girl power to be perceived as woo-worthy. And when you ask these girls whether they like guys or not, they give a carelessly indifferent answer, like they wouldn't mind male attention but are perfectly happy with the way things are now with their gal pals and stuff, or a deliberately concerned response, like "Ya lor, I feel so unwanted leh, how?" I knew this someone who looked like the serial-dater sort (I am judgemental I know) and I asked her about her love life, and I was surprised to hear that it was more or less non-existent because of her chronic "shyness". But she does have a very solid group of girlfriends that she counts on.

I think that I might have reached a stage in life where all my values/principles are set and unlikely to change until I reach my next major setback, which I think might be my midlife crisis or something. Which is quite bad, because I think I have a major attitude problem and must do something about it.