My fortune.

In a tone mixed with anticipation and resignation, my mother said that I am finally old enough to have my fortune told, and asked if I wanted to get it done today. Fine, I said. What's there to lose? I just went, and I must say that what she described of me currently is quite accurate, yet the thought of what she foresees in my future is quite hilarious.

The fortune teller, or rather, the nun who oversees that particular temple, described my past two lives. In my first life, I was a Shanghainese. Apparently, I promised Guan Yin Ma that I will recite to her, but somehow I failed to do so, and I had to live with a lot of guilt. She recommends that I better pray more often now to make up for that. In my second life, I was also a Shanghainese. (Well, the known world was a lot smaller a few thousand years ago, I guess.) In that life, I poisoned a monk. The monk is very revengeful, so in order to escape his vengeance, I'll have to move house around five times after I get married in order to shake him off.

A disclaimer: everything I say here is based on my English interpretation on her Chinese interpretation. I already had some difficulty comprehending her, so translating will lose some meaning but at least you get the gist la, hor.

So anyway, you can imagine my scepticism at this point in time. What a load of crap. I don't care about my past life. I want to know what will happen now. What's the point of knowing if I did bad stuff in my past life? There is no point in shoving the blame to my past self. And I expect my future self to be smart enough to come to terms with that as well. Ugh.

So she goes on to describe my current self, most of which are fairly accurate.

- I was born on the god's shoulder, so I am fairly authoritative. At my workplace, my subordinates will fear me. I will also command power among my nephews and nieces, who will be scared shitless by me. Hahaha.

- I am a perfectionist, and will only reveal a finished product that I find perfect.

- I will prefer to oversee and do everything by myself because I don't trust others to be competent so I will be a very busy person.

- I was born under the dragon's feet (This was what my mother told me, I'm not sure if I'm using the correct expression) and hence I am very "ling huo", i.e. hyperactive. My hands must always find something to do and I need to move around a lot.

- I was born under the tiger (she pointed to a picture of a tiger) then said that I know how to enjoy life and that I command respect.

- I am smart, and I learn very quickly.

- I am a good planner. The word she used was "ji hua". Sounds menacing to me, though.

- I am business-minded.

- I will travel a lot. If I had a godmother, she will help me to settle down, but unfortunately I don't.

- I am a very stubborn person.

- I keep "okay" company. That's what she said! "Ni de peng you, okay la. Bu cuo la." -.-

- I am a filial child. The example she quoted was that if I see my family in financial need I will definitely help them out.

- I "bu chou chi, bu chou chuan", i.e. I don't have to worry about day-to-day living.

- I love eating, and will seek good food. (Only a recent phenomenon. Gosh it means I will only get fatter.)

- I cannot eat "cooling" food because I am susceptible to asthma and associated illnesses. (True, I had childhood asthma. But who didn't?)

- I must live apart from my family (actually she said xiong di jie mei) in order to be close to them. If I see them everyday we will not be close. "Bu qin," she said.

- I am willing to spend - then she goes on to say that it doesn't mean that I don't know how to save, just that when I spend I won't regret it, or "xin tong".

- I don't have a lot of clothes. Which is not to say I don't buy them, she disclaims. It just means that I will always wear the same few pieces, and she points to a picture of three sets of clothing in her tattered brown book.

Here comes the fun part. I am not sure if the things she said are sealed by fate or merely recommendations. Perhaps a little of both, descriptive and prescriptive.

- I will only have a future for my second relationship which exceeds a year. Okay that sounds a little misleading. Basically, she reckons that only relationships that last more than a year can be considered relationships. By that definition, only my second one will work out.

- I must marry someone born in the year of the dog. (Omg my Secondary Three brother is eligible!) He will be most suitable for me.

- If I am a good person who does many kind deeds, I will have three sons. If I am a bad, scheming person, I will have three daughters.

- The best time for me to get involved in a relationship is when I'm 22, and I'll get married by 26.

- I must marry a relative, and if I don't, my marriage will be one based on the lack of friction than the presence of cohesion. Okay that's not what she said, but she said that if I don't marry a relative, my husband and I will basically do our own thing most of the time. Probably a marriage out of convenience or obligation, I suppose.

- Unsuitable partners include those born in year of the snake, goat, or horse. If I have children in these years, they will always "gen wo zuo dui", i.e. oppose me.

- I will die at the age of 78 with two daughters and one son by my side (children-in-law?). I would have had respiratory illnesses for a year preceding my death. Tuberculosis?

- I will only be prosperous after the age of 35. My life before that will be "ping ping de", i.e. pretty level.

- Bad years for me: 51, 59 and 67.

That's all I remember for now. My mother can be strangely fatalistic about things. My older siblings and my parents have also had their fortune told, and apparently a lot of things have came true. When I asked her why didn't she try to prevent some things (apparently my sister was fated to marry in a faraway land), she resignedly said that "it is fate, lor". If that's the case, I hope my mother comes to terms with the idea of me wanting to go abroad to study, since it seems like it is written in the stars. Oh yes, that session cost $20.

Ha! Anyone born in the year of the dog, please come and make friends with me.