I feel really old now. And looking at all my old, wrinkly relations during visiting today puts me off from aging even more. I mean, most of them are senile and have absolutely no recollection of who we are. I don't blame them, though. Age does shit like that to you. Here is a non-exhaustive list of what puts me off being a senior citizen, despite the knowledge that it is inevitable unless I suffer from a premature death (which may not be that unlikely after all):
1. Looks
I absolutely abhor the idea of growing wrinkly, getting age spots and having saggy tits and all. I know there is such a thing as "aging gracefully", but there's a cap to how gracefully you can age before you just look plain old. I seem to be implying that you cannot be beautiful if you are old, which isn't true, because beauty is more than good looks and youth, but it does help to have youth on your side.
2. Bodily functions
I hate the idea of my body and mind deteriorating. Worsening memory, worsening eyesight, creaky joints, loss of flexibility, etc. My body is a temple; what would I do if it were all run-down and in disrepair? This leads me to the next point which is...
3. Dependency
If I were physically immobile, or need help to do even the most basic of things such as peeing and changing my clothes, that would greatly increase my dependency on others. Which is something I hate having to do too. I cannot imagine my life in the hands of someone else. It's just too much of a risk to take. Besides physical dependency, there's also emotional dependency. Old people get lonely easily, and after years of seeing their kith and kin die off one by one, it must be quite wrecking. I suppose things could veer the other way, and instead of me being emotionally fragile, I could be really hardened and unfeeling and all human interaction would be superfluous.
That is why I would detest growing old. So far I don't see many upsides to being old, save for the wealth of experiences that I'd have accumulated. Everything else about it just sucks. (But then one could argue that experience contributes to a bulk of a person, so...)
Moving on to lighter-hearted stuff, I bought a new top!
It's a white linen corset thingamajig. It reminded me of a mummy's bandages, because Egyptian mummies are wrapped in linen, and the folds of fabric makes it look more like bandages. I just fell in love with it when I saw it. Granted, it kinda flattens out my boobs (or what I have of them) but it really holds in my waist. I look damn narrow lah. Hah! Thank god for boning!
This is the back view. We all know the difficulty of taking back pictures by yourself, hence the crappy pics. I am afraid that the zip might undo itself while wearing. It would completely suck lah. Maybe I'll install a tiny snap to make sure the top stays together. I was contemplating between size 8 and size 10, and I got the 8 instead. It's damn distressing to have to become a "Medium" size. The upgrade from XS to S was depressing enough. (And I already have to wear Medium-sized bottoms now... M for MAMMOTH!)
I really shouldn't have gotten it because opportunities to dress up nowadays are few and far between, but it fits me so well! And it looks cool.
Since we're on the subject of size-related issues, my aunt mentioned that I look skinnier, and asked if I'm dieting. Any person who's been actively communicating with me right now would know that I've devoured an entire pack of Tim Tam and I habitually buy chocolates because I develop random cravings for them. Therefore, diet = nah. And her comment got me thinking: "You mean I looked fatter before?!" Which is quite incongruent to what the scales say, because I am heavier than I was before. Oh well!
Then another aunt made small talk with me.
"So, what level are you in now?"
"I'm in JC 2."
"Oh, so got boyfriend anot?"
"Eh, don't have..."
"Got blink blink anot?" (She literally said and physically blinked)
"Uhhh... no."
What gives relations the right to such insolent questions? Just because we are related by blood doesn't mean we have a relationship close enough to allow questions such as these. I mean, if we weren't relatives, we'd almost be strangers, and you don't ask strangers questions like that! Well, she is a spinster probably in her late forties now, so maybe she wants to live vicariously through me. Hah!
I can totally see the day coming when my relatives are gonna ask me when I'm gonna get married and shit like that. Not looking forward to that.
Random: Erica and her friend had this conversation about self-mutilation, and her friend came up with the idea of drawing a dashed line on her wrist with a tiny scissor icon right above it, i.e. cut here. I thought it was hugely original, and I thought that it'd make a great tattoo. Would be quite a talking point, actually. Then I googled it, and I saw that it actually isn't quite original after all. Damn.
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