What does it mean to be nice?

It rained when I left my tutor's house, and fortunately I had my umbrella with me. (A short digression here [wow, a digression and I've only barely started]; my umbrella is exceedingly cute and it has gotten me lots of compliments, and thanks to the recent rainy weather I've been able to maximise the 50 bucks I paid for it; it's a one-person umbrella, black, with white trim edged with crocheted lace which I purchased at Fie Japan) I felt refreshed by the night shower, and started crooning Jay Chou songs that were popular four years ago. It was night time and I was the only pedestrian within sight; the only audience privy to my warblings were probably the speeding motorcyclists along the road.

After I boarded the bus, I continued singing, only in a more muted tone lest the three other passengers dispersed within the bus think I was mad. I checked my phone, more out of habit than expecting contact from anybody, and I had a message from my tutor.

"Good thing u brought your umbrella. Got on the bus already?"

I thought it was very nice of her. Not only is she concerned, she is attentive to details too. After a mometary period of basking in the glow of warmth and concern, I was reminded of the pretentiousness of guys telling girls to SMS them when they reach home in one piece. What if I said to my tutor, "No, the bus isn't here yet, and my tiny umbrella got turned inside out by a gust of wind"? Is she going to rush out of her house with an umbrella for me? We shouldn't exclude that possibility, but the chances are low. Perhaps she was only showing concern because there wouldn't be any sacrifice on her part. After all, I DID bring an umbrella, so what could possibly happen to me? Perhaps it was only calculated concern on her part.

I seemed to have developed the notion that being nice entails some compromise on the nice person's part. If it were so easy to be nice, how nice is it really? I think that a wealthy person who donates a million dollars to a charity is not as nice a poor person donating his remaining dollar, assuming that their actions were governed by similarly altruistic intentions. (Altruism is another dodgy issue, which I think I've already expounded upon several times.) Niceness accompanied by a little bit of inconvenience appears to me to have greater value, though it's certainly debatable whether niceness can be quantified. (Which reminds me; one of the hardest questions to answer is "what's the sweetest thing your boyfriend has done for you?" It's hard to answer because everything he does is, and should be equally sweet IF governed by similar intent. Notice that people's responses tend to emphasise actions that require an immense amount of time/effort/money.)

Is niceness really all about intent? Let's say I am burdened by school work. My friend consoles me and frequently inquires about the state of my body/mind/soul; i.e. shows her concern for me. But pragmatically speaking, her concern doesn't reduce the amount of homework I have. Perhaps it will motivate me to develop better self-discipline, but strictly speaking, her niceness does nothing for the state of my homework. Has niceness been reduced to a show of concern? (Perhaps I shouldn't be using the word "show", because it implies putting on an act.) Is niceness nothing more than a communication of awareness about some other person's condition? It does seem so to me. People seem to be satisfied enough by the very act of someone noticing their current condition, nevermind if the concerned person actually improves their situation or not.

Perhaps you can say that the concerned person is already inconveniencing herself when she inquires about someone else's condition, and hence she should be credited for that as being nice. But that seems to undermine the concept of niceness. If niceness is so pervasive and convenient, then niceness isn't really worth shouting about.

Perhaps I should rethink my concept of niceness, and not think of it in terms of value and/or worth. Yes, I should try to think of it in terms of intent. (Then again, people lie.)