Poor illustration, but at least you get my drift, don't you? I distinctly remember him wearing a green t-shirt, hence the green.
What made it worse was that I knew the girl too. She looked positively squeamish, as she slowly but deliberately tried to worm her arm out of his grasp. Despite having laid eyes upon this ghastly apparition for a only few seconds, I felt like retching right then and there. I literally covered my mouth and made a hasty getaway as I didn't want them to notice me gawking at them. I pray that neither of them noticed me; it would be quite awkward for all of us.
I'm perfectly okay with public displays of affection. A little canoodling is fine by my standards; it's just, well, sometimes a couple madly impassioned can't keep their hands off each other, right? You've got to cut them a little slack!
But what I saw was just so wrong. On one hand, they look like completely decent people in school. Bookish, unobtrusive, not attention-seeking: the kind of inconspicuous people you don't notice, and the kind of people you'll least expect to be all touchy-feely and stuff. I thought people like them fall for other people because of an attractive personality (nice, sweet, kind, whatever), and would never crave physical gratification. I am so wrong. Even nerds are horny. Of course. Nerds are probably hornier than most, being deprived.
On another hand, I last got the impression that their affection was one-sided, so I cannot for the life of me understand why she is allowing this to happen to her. She looked so uncomfortable! I would've slapped him. Then again, I'll probably never find myself in such a situation in the first place.
And on yet another hand, what I hated most was the smug expression on his face! It was like, "I'M THE MAN, BABEH." What a MCP! He was probably too preoccupied with self-satisfaction at having touched her to notice that she was so squirmy.
I was at the library reading thick, wordy tomes like "Identity, Cause and Mind", but failing horribly, of course. I read a bit, started to get restless, went to grab a book on fashion through the decades, pored over illustrations and decided to go shopping. Let's see what I learnt. You can't figure out a person's mental state by his behaviour, because all postulates about a person's behavior necessitates predisposed notions about his mental state. Whatever that means. I shan't bother to explain it. I hardly understand the concept myself. I'm not as clever as I like. Dammit. Is there some way to boost my intelligence? Is it possible to slave over IQ tests and hopefully increase my intelligence quotient? Nah. IQ tests say nothing about your intelligence. It just tells you how good you are at doing IQ tests.
Whatever this means. Probably nothing at all.
Read this sociology thing: even though we conform by taking part in various social groups e.g. school, work, family, religious affiliations, we are individuated by the unique combination of social groups we join. So yes. Geddit geddit?! I already simplified it you know! I had to read an entire essay just to derive that tidbit of knowledge! Bloody verbose sociologists, and philosophers alike.
Whatever this mean. I just happened to push all the right buttons.
I have so many other things I wish to read and NEED to read, but I can hardly figure out what's going on. I need to get more intelligent. Everytime I start to feel an inkling of self-assurance of my abilities, I am vaguely discomfited by the notion that despite my relative intelligence, I am still not intelligent enough... I am so hung up over the whole intelligence thing. I've a lifelong pursuit of knowledge, I think. And to be amazing at everything. Of which I have ended up being a jack of all trades and master of none. Ugh is there anything I remotely excel in? I will now try listing all my achievements since I was born.
... My mind draws a blank.
I think my problem is this: my goal for anything is to be better than I currently am. That's why I never achieve anything because what I deem "achievement" is essentially unachievable. Then I was comforted with the soothing words that "it's okay to not have any achievements at eighteen". I guess I'll have to grudgingly reconcile myself to that, with the uncomfortable notion at the back of my mind that there are kids half my age who can command audiences to watch them bang the piano or something.
Talent. What is talent, anyway? I have decided that there is no such thing as talent. All you need is a good mix of diligence, enthusiasm, experience and consistency to excel at anything. Talent can only be attributed to child prodigies, because they haven't had many years to live, yet they still rock at whatever they do. So in order to be truly talented you need to like, produce a masterpiece the first time you're doing whatever it is you're doing. Otherwise any brilliance displayed can be attributed to the above reasons I listed.
Cooked some salmon.
Errrrrr taste not bad lah. Recipe here. Very easy to make also. Just marinade and chuck in the oven to bake. When I am older, I will not bother with stovetops. I will just buy an awesome microwave with all kinds of funky functions. I'll never need another cooking device again. What I like about microwaves is that any mess from the cooking process STAYS inside it. Out of sight, out of mind. I can just imagine my future home where everything is cooked by microwave. Awesome things, those are. I could even dry my baby inside!
P.S. I am a person extremely uncomfortable with lying, so for next week, I will go on the stupid diet, study hard, hopefully run 10km, so I can legitimately not go to school on Friday. And Saturday. THEN HAVE SUPER LONG WEEKEND cos Monday have no school due to College Day! Well. That's my intention anyway. We'll see how it goes.
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